It is only a few hours to go before my surgery and I'm really freaking out about it! It's honestly the scariest thing I will have faced in my life to date. It's a lot different to a music competition/performance approaching, as you know regardless of how you play life will still go on after it and things won't change too much whether you play well or not, except for the number of compliments you get of course!
There are two things that scare me the most about surgery - that something may go wrong during surgery, and that the results will leave me worse than I currently am. I'm not worried as much about the recovery period as I know I can get through the pain (wearing braces for as long as I have has toughened me up, especially due to the numerous times the wire has slid right around and constantly stabbed me in the gums!). The nursing co-ordinator told me the chances of me getting hit by a car is just as high, but at least you can take steps to prevent getting hit by a car, whereas with surgery my life and the results rest with the surgeons, but I'll do my best to trust them!
I'll only get a few hours sleep before I have to wake up at 4am to have a shower, get to Middlemore Hospital by 7am. After that it'll all be in the hands of the surgeons.
We had church in the morning where Aonghas played his children's summer programme video at the service. Gabrielle, the leader of our youth group gave me a little pen and a bookmark with this really cool quote (in Chinese though!), something about forget about the past, and look forward. I spent the rest of my last day with a crossbite helping paint some steps with my mum before coming home and packing for the hospital. My mum has given me this bag that has cannabis plants all over it to put my stuff in...how suitable!
Originally my final meal (or as some joked 'The Last Supper') was to be fries...you know something unhealthy but yummy, but Aonghas, who went out to buy food for his camp forgot to buy the fries and the takeaways had closed by the time he got there. We ended up just having rice with hoki fish and some green vegetables. I'm not allowed to eat any solids after 2am and any food or drink after 6am.
I've admittedly been a bit emotional tonight, trying to hold it in and remain staunch but the thought of surgery is really difficult for me to think about, so I'm trying not to! Aonghas's story about his friend's dad waking up in the middle of surgery and all the killings and deaths in the 24 premiere on TV tonight (I DEFINITELY couldn't miss 24!!!!!!!) haven't really helped to calm the nerves but I'm starting to feel a little better now after talking to a few friends! Thanks Mischa! haha
So it's almost time. Hopefully I see you all on the other side! I'll post as soon as I come round and get access to the internet. If I don't make it, well it's been nice meeting you, but please pray for me (if you're religious)!